Vodafone 360 is apparently something all Vodafone customers want. The only problem is these Vodafone customers must be out of town at the moment because no one can track them down.

Strangely all the Vodafone customers I have spoken to think Vodafone 360 is the worst collection of buggy,unwanted,mobile,marketing shit they have ever come across.

Anyway, lets take a look at the delights you can expect once Vodafone have pushed this garbage onto your phone. Don't worry, they won't trouble you by asking for permission they will just install it. Probably by pretending it is something useful such as a system update.

Apparently,

Vodafone 360 is a brand new set of internet services for the mobile and PC which gathers all of a customer’s friends, communities, entertainment and personal favourites (like music, games, photos and video) in one place

Sounds good. What's the reality? The reality is I don't know because none of the 360 Apps installed on my HTC Desire (without consent or warning) actually work.

There are a total of four force-fed 360 apps so I'll tackle each one in turn :

360 Updates - This grabs pole position in my apps lists and performs the incredibly important task of updating the other apps. No need to use the universally accepted Android Market, just use this additional app. It's a shame other developers don't all create their own updater.

Music Shop - I assume this is some sort of shop for purchasing music tracks. Obviously all the other Music shops out there aren't good enough so the kind folks at Vodafone have invented another one. Which doesn't work.

When I run this I get :

Vodafone Music needs to go online to continue. You will not be charged for this connection. Remember your personal data is secure

If I continue I simply get :

We could not connect to the internet. Please check your phone is connected to the network and is not in offline mode. Then try again.

If the problem persists, please contact Customer Care.

<2>

I'm assuming the <2> is some sort of error code or perhaps the IQ of the person who coded it. As an aside for all you developers out there this is a good example of error message construction. Don't you hate it when people code error messages that are meaningful and help the user?

Shop - I assume this is some sort of currency-product based exchange facility. Not really sure because it doesn't work either.

I get a pop-up saying :

Sorry we're unable to connect to the Shop. Please retry or exit and check your settings. : missing msisdn

I'm a bit worried that my "msisdn" is missing. I think it must have fallen off in the excitement of having my phone raped by Vodafone.

Web - This app actually works! Its really clever. You click on it and it takes you to a web page. Sort of like a bookmark but ... well ... err ... exactly like a bookmark actually. But I'm glad I've got an app just for a single bookmark. I wish I could fill my app screen with all my browser bookmarks. At the moment I have to actually use the bookmark list in my browser. That is so 2009.

Vodafone 360 is a disaster. The 360 handsets have been abandoned. So Vodafone have converted the remains into a trojan horse full of junk and as Blackadder would say its like a broken pencil. Pointless.